Boyfriend

I realized it has been such a crazy past couple of months settling back into Chiang Mai, getting a job, not liking the job, rehearsing a play. So I'm a little distracted on many levels. But I suspect people want to know about my mystery boyfriend. So here it is.
I met John online. We started communicating daily on the internet. We met in person about a week after our first contact. We had a connection so the contact continued. Since we live in different cities in Thailand, we can't see each other on a regular basis. But we still managed to see each other when John came down for a few weekends when I lived in Ao Nang and a weekend so far since I've been in Chiang Mai. I've extended trips through Bangkok so that I could visit him and last weekend I headed down when flights didn't work in his favor to come to Chiang Mai.
He is English and a music teacher. He has lived in Thailand for several years. Where this relationship goes, only God can say but it is so nice to experience a relationship after so many years as a single woman.

Leaving the Beach

Probably sounds weird that I would be leaving the beach after praying so much to get here for 2 years. But I am. I heading back to Chiang Mai in 4 days for a job I hope to have probably teaching English which I never wanted to do. I moved to Ao Nang for a job. I read almost all the recommended books. I spent 2 weeks with the children in the classroom before the left for their 2 months summer break. I read about 90% of the training manuals and answered all but 30 of the several hundred questions. Then it was time to return to work in the midst of all the reading. I was asked to come two weeks before the kids to help clean and prepare the classroom. So the first week me, my assistant and director literally scrubbed the building. By day 3, I was wondering what I had gotten into. I was exhausted and hadn't done any actual classroom training. That was the same time when my previous blog was written and everything was a bit overwhelming with lots of question marks. I took the friday of that week off so I could goto Chiang Mai for a birthday party and a chance to clear my head.
It was a nice weekend where I was able to see several friends and just relax. I also made a stop in Bangkok on the way up and met my online boyfriend for the first time. We had been chatting quite a bit on messenger and on camera. We really wanted to meet. So we met for a few hrs and had a nice hang out time.
When I came back from Chiang Mai, unfortunately reality was still waiting for me but at least it didn't involve anymore cleaning. I met the new coworker who I had helped interview and liked her right away. I met the other one a few days later who I also liked. It looked like we would be a good team.
Our first day of school was 1 Sept. It was nice to see the returning students although they didn't all return that day. And it was nice to meet new ones. That day, I didn't do much. I figured that would change. It wasn't because I was lazy, it was because literally there was nothing to do. We had less than 6 kids and up to 4 adults at a time in the room. I did a lot of observation.
On the second day, it was more of the same. I wondered what I was expected to do since I couldn't seem to do what I thought I was hired for. I was supposed to work with the oldest student. But all his language materials were in Russian so his mom(my director) had to teach him that. It took a few hrs every morning at least. In the afternoon, the experience Montessori teacher(my colleague for the slightly younger class) taught him English and math skills. The rest of the time, he worked independently per Montessori Method. My director didn't have a suggestion for me when I asked what I should be doing. So I looked for things to do like straightening up things, cleaning, assisting kids who needed it and observation. By day 3, I was wondering about finding a new job. I felt so useless. The hours crawled by each day. On Friday, when my boss wanted to meet with me at the end of the day, I was half hoping that she was letting me go. If not, then I hoped she had a plan of what I should be doing. It turned out she was letting me go. She felt bad but she couldn't afford to have an extra teacher in the room. I assured her that it was ok. I had felt the same way. And so that was the end of a job I had first found out and got excited about almost 9 months earlier and prayed about for 2 years.
So I wasn't really sure what to do next. Krabi area is not exactly full of jobs which is why it took me so long to find a job in the first place. I realized that since the clock was ticking on my visa, I need to expand my search beyond Krabi. So I started hunting in Krabi, Bangkok and Chiang Mai. All places where I had people connections. But before I actively started job hunting, I took the weekend off. The night of the day when I lost my job, my new boyfriend was planning to come into town for the second weekend in a row. So I postponed job hunting and just relaxed for 48 hours. It was quite nice.
But as soon as he left and church ended that afternoon, I was on the computer emailing resumes to jobs that did have postings and jobs that didn't but who knew, maybe they might need another teacher.
My friends in Chiang Mai started pointing me in the direction of jobs up there and gave me all kinds of helpful advice. I was quite touched. After sending my CV to several schools and not hearing anything,  I decided to make the trip up there. I hadn't heard anything from Bangkok yet. I also contacted my previous landlord and secured my old apartment.
I went to Chiang Mai for a couple of days with a one night detour to Bangkok. Guess why? I spent a lot of time in Chiang Mai giving the schools another copy of my CV, filling out applications and visiting my old school, I also unpacked the suitcase I had filled for the sole purpose of unloading into my apartment so I wouldn't have to mail the stuff. Ya Ya also has a new litter box waiting for her. I was also cast in a play and I begin rehearsals the day after I move there.
Yes I did decide that Chiang Mai was where I needed to return to. I miss my friends and my life there horribly. After my job ended, I felt like I was done with my life at the beach. Apparently I'm only meant to come visit here. Which I'm now fine with. It's super cheap to do that here in Thailand.
Its a very fast move. I have lost money living down here because I didn't work much, didn't earn much and now I'm unemployed.
But I'm looking forward to returning and seeing what will happen next.

Turmoil is Terrible

I have discovered that even the most perfect looking life situations can be ripped out from under you without warning. I'm in that situation now. First my housing situation will be changing. To what I'm not sure. I could end up in a smaller room kind of like renting a room in the USA. One of the things I was so grateful to leave behind when I moved to Thailand. It's a financial thing from my housemates who I rent from. They don't have a choice and unfortunately it effects me as the renter. I'm hoping to find a place of my own instead. One of the reasons being that my housemates who I moved to S. Thailand for the sole purpose of joining them in ministry and wherever that led. Since I didn't know anyone else down here when I moved here, I was looking forward to building on my relationship with them. But that might change in a month or so. They are having issues with visas that may send them back to the USA leaving me here alone. While I understand why they would leave it doesn't change the fact that I will be alone here in a place that I once called paradise. For 2 yrs we have been praying for me to get a job to join them. Now that it's happened, it may all end and I can't just up and leave too. But my job is in trouble due to lack of enrollment of students. The school could actually close if the enrollment doesn't go up. Loneliness and Unemployment in a foreign country is not exactly what I had prayed for. It's also the worst time of year to job hunt so if I do have to do that, I will have to settle for anything with a paycheck and probably in Bangkok where I don't want to be. I do have some comfort in knowing that I do have a few friends in BKK even if I do hate the city.
So this is my life now. I gave up everything I loved and the people i got to know for something that may not even exist in 2 months. I don't even know what to do with this except hope that moving here was not a monumental mistake. I really do miss Chiang Mai now and wish I had never moved. I was finally settled there. So you tell me and please pray about it first because I am in so much turmoil over this. Where do I go from here?

Ooops! It's been a little too long since the last blog

A lot has happened since my last blog. I moved to Southern Thailand in the second week of June. Haven't had a lot of time to settle in though. I started training and working at my new job about 2 days after I moved. The new school had 2 weeks left in their school year so I thought it would be good to start getting used to the environment, the students and the parents and staff. I officially start again at the end of Aug. After I finished school again, I took a spontaneous trip with my new housemate to Phuket where we had a room that literally opened onto the beach. So we relaxed for two days. Then I came back, packed up and went to China for 2 weeks. I had already planned to return to the two social welfare centers that I volunteered at last summer being a teacher at the summer camp for the orphans. I was surprised and pleased that the kids remembered me at both sites. One thing I have found is important when volunteering with orphans is that returning means a lot to them. A lot of people do short term missions and its helpful. However, its difficult for kids to attach to someone and then have them leave, never to return. I don't want to be that person. I also enjoy being with the kids at these sites. A new site is opening quite soon in another city so maybe in the future, I'll have 3 sites to volunteer at. I find it a lot more fulfilling in the summer to give my time to the orphans and hang out in a China for a few weeks than to sit at home and veg out for weeks on end.

Petronas Towers

I ended up with an unexpected trip to Malaysia this summer as well. When changing jobs, it means I need a new visa to go with the new job. It is typical that getting a new visa means going to an embassy outside of Thailand and then returning with the new visa. It's also risky especially in a country under martial law. But thankfully, God is bigger than all that. I ended up sharing the trip with another friend who also needed a visa and so it became a mini vacay with visits to the embassy. I've never been to Malaysia and this time I ended up in Kuala Lumpur. It's a large city. I was able to see the Petronas Towers which are quite well known as well as Chinatown and Petaling Street which were near our hotel. It was a short trip and I returned with my new visa.
Now I'm doing summer break again only this time I will spend the next 3 weeks doing readings for work, relaxing, settling in finally and anything else that comes my way.

So the New Book

Significant in the story

This new book that I wrote. I'm really excited about. Partly because I got some good feedback and partly because it's new. But go figure it's a completely different genre from my 3 previous books. Highschoolers might be able to read it but everyone older is better. Never thought I'd say that. But I've discovered that my most recent book is not as innocent or light as I thought it was. It's safe to say that I was completely naive about my most recent topic. I gave the manuscript to 3 friends- 2 counselors/psychologists and one person who has experience with domestic violence personally. One person gave me a lot of valuable feedback and a wake up call. That's when I realized that I had written a way more intense book than I realized. One person is still reading it and one person I told to stop reading it because it was getting to personal for her.  All I did was write what was on my heart for 9 days. I have zero experience with domestic violence so I have no idea why I wrote about it. But I do love my new book. I've been editing a lot and trying to find an agent. I've also submitted my manuscript into to contests. Hopefully someone will pick it up. A friend said that she could see it as a screenplay.  Here's hoping.  I'm posting my synopsis below.

I like this pic better

When Becca is cast in her dream role as Katharina in Taming of the Shrew, she has no idea that it will come with a price.  All she knows is that her director has asked her to take part in a project with her future costar where she will be living out her role as Katharina in a real life off stage situation that becomes much more real than she ever could have imagined. Basically she will be living with her costar for a month as her character. Becca completely underestimates what she has signed up for. But as an aspiring actress willing to goto extremes to get into character, she will do anything.

By the end of the first week in the project, Becca has lost all of her freedom and the reality of what she agreed to, has set in.

By the end of the second week, Becca is ready to give up. She can't figure out how to 'be' Katharina and still have the freedom to make her own choices.

By the end of the 3rd week, Becca has started losing track of days and this new, controlled life is becoming routine.

By the time the 4th week is nearly up, Becca has learned to live in an environment that so closely mirrors a real life abusive relationship that it would be hard for an outsider to tell the difference.

Becca's life is forever changed as a result of her participation in the project.

Wrote Another Book

          I wrote a book in 9 days. I never thought I would say that. But I actually did it. It is currently 118 single spaced pages. Quite possibly one of my longest books although I would have to check the earlier books to know for sure. I actually got inspired one night during my most recent vacation from school. I had this idea in my head that I thought was interesting and I couldn't stop thinking about it. To give a little background, I performed in a comedy showcase in mid march. It was a lot of fun. I did a scene from Taming of the Shrew. I've never performed Shakespeare before but I'm familiar with this play. Our scene was the first time Katharina and Petruchio meet. It was very active which was also fun. After the show was over, I immediately did another show with my school as one of the accompanists for Finian's Rainbow. That too was fun. Although I may think twice before rehearsing two shows simultaneously. But back to Taming of the Shrew, I had this idea that it would be fun to do a real life situation with Kate and Pete kind of like reality t.v. sort of. But a chance for two actors to really get to know their characters off stage. So I decided to write a book on the idea. I had two actors who were set to play Kate and Petruchio onstage, take on a month long project where they had to live together and stay in character. But since there wouldn't be a script and it was a modern day setting, anything could happen. One actor becomes very controlling like his character and basically dictates what the other one will and will not do. She rebels because she's not used to having someone tell her what to do and she fights back. In the end, the project ends up being much harder for the actress playing Kate than for the actor. But both learn a lot about their characters in the process. Although a month is a very long time for such a project, less than that would have been hard to write a book about it. So right now, it's in the editing process.
      Besides writing, I am preparing for my move. I move in slightly over a month down to Krabi province. There are many things I will miss about Chiang Mai but I have to remember to keep my focus. I've been praying for 2 years to get a job down there. I know that there must be a reason why this was the year that all the theatre opportunities opened up in Chiang Mai for me and all the new people I met as well as the choir. But I'm keeping my eye on what God put in my heart which was this move. I'm optimistic that I'm not done with theatre just because I'm moving.

Comedy Showcase

Finian's Rainbow Cast

Hello Paradise

      So the big news is that I'm moving again. I've been praying along with my friends Doc and Zina about moving to Southern Thailand. I've felt called to that place since I first visited there almost 2 yrs ago now. So all I needed was a job which I have got now. I will be moving at the end of this current school year in June. Super excited and it feels a bit unreal. While I knew God would follow through with sending me down there, there haven't been any open doors until now. The place I'm going to-Ao Nang, Krabi is small. It's a little beach town by the sea. I like to call it my 2nd Thai home since I go there so often. I go there partly for vacation and partly to build relationship with the people there. 

View from the building I'll be living in.

      I will be taking a job in the Krabi International Montessori. So for now I'm training in Montessori and keeping up with special education stuff will be something I do on the side until the day that I need it at work or God moves me again. I will also be a part of the Ao Nang Community Church fellowship as well. People ask me if I'll get a better benefit package or higher pay but it's actually no to both. Outside of Bangkok and Chiang Mai, most places have lower pay which I expected. But moving was never about money. I don't have debt to think about anymore so it's just making sure that my day to day expenses are covered and a vacation once in a while would be nice. :) But because the neighboring countries are so easy to get to from over here, vacations are easier to attain here even with low income. Bottom line, I'm moving because I was called to this place. That's it and that's enough for me.

Sunset view

The blog I never thought I'd be posting... at least not for a few years.

A week ago, tragedy struck. Sounds dramatic but actually it was quite sad. I was calling for my kitties which I routinely do when they are outside so I can make sure that they are safe. Smokey didn't answer. Knowing that he was usually safe, I wasn't terribly concerned when he didn't come when called. What alerted me to a problem however was when I heard neighbors mention the thai word for "cat" There are hardly any cats in the neighborhood outside of my two. I looked down from my balcony and saw a dog carrying a cat fitting Smokey's description. I ran downstairs in my pjs to locate the dog who wasn't in a hurry. His owner made him put the cat down and I ran to see if it was Smokey. Even though he didn't have his collar, I knew it was Smokey. I have no idea how he came to end up in harms way as he's usually so good at staying safe. But his facial expression told me that he was already gone when I arrived. I moved him to a spot across from my apt and went inside to cry. About 15-20 min later after I had changed, I looked out and Smokey was gone. I knew there was no way he had walked away. Unfortunately,  a week later I still don't know what happened to him. But the note I left for the neighbors didn't give me answers either. My coworker who has been in Thailand a while explained to me that perhaps the neighbor's who's dogs or dog was responsible probably buried him and then when I posted the note asking for his return, thought they did something wrong. There is a gang of dogs in the neighborhood. Their ring leader is a female who is somewhat afraid of me because I tend to act imposing in the face of her barking. I found Smokey's collar by the fence where most of those dogs live.
Ya Ya is learning to be an only kitty and she's got lots of complaints about it. I'm not sure if she knows what happened to her brother. He was a sweety that everyone who met him, loved. I have called him my teddy bear because of how gentle he was. He loved to play with his sister. I only hope that she can learn to adapt without him.
It's been difficult not having Smokey around. I didn't expect to lose him so suddenly. It's been very sad. The book I wrote in November had two cat stars and one was modeled after Smokey. So I haven't been able to edit for the past week for that reason.
I'm actually not going to get another cat. Ya Ya never got along with any other cat very well except her brother so I suspect it would be a war zone at home if I tried to bring her a friend. She growls at kittens.

The last picture I took of Smokey. It was his selfie.

Debt Free At Last

       The unbelievable happened this month. I became debt free for the first time in my life since my late teens. My adult life has always involved debt in some form. Either I owed my parents money or my student loans or my credit card. There was always something and I didn't make enough money to make things balance out. Last October, was the 10 yr mark from when I filed Ch 7 bankruptcy. In 10 yrs, I managed to completely regain my credit and finally undo all the dumb mistakes that I made in my 20s and late teens. And now finally I get to experience what its like not to owe anyone anything. It's a bit unreal and will probably take some time to really sink in. I can finally save money now. I used to save money and then transfer it to my American account. This is what I've been doing since I moved to Thailand. Before coming here, I always felt like I need to make sure I had enough enough money for my debt. After filing bankruptcy, I had to work really hard to regain my credit rating because things like that can really follow you around for years. I'm so thankful for the people who helped guide me to make better financial choices. The people who put up with my bad choices and then pointed me in the direction of the right ones. And I'm so thankful that they all had God to guide their wonderful advice. And now, I might be in my 40s but now I'm free.