The Other Side of the Desert

I've been waiting for the other side of the desert to show up for over a year now. It's a desert I never saw coming.

A little over a year ago, I let go of the best job ever, said goodbye to my friends and my life in Chiang Mai and headed to paradise. I had been praying for paradise for 2 yrs and finally a job had opened up and my friends welcomed me into their world as a neighbor instead of a visitor. Even though I knew I would be changing my career with the move, I really felt like this was the place that God had sent me to. 

I would be joining a small fellowship in the community and helping them reach out to the community. I was also looking forward to connecting with my new colleagues in my small school.

But things ended up quite differently and rather quickly. First, the colleague that I had met prior to moving, had already moved back to the USA by the time I arrived. A month later, the fellowship that I was apart of, ended. I found myself now in an area where I only knew a small handful of people and deep friendships would be challenging in a community that was small with a high turnover rate. I ended up feeling incredibly lonely. I tried to stay positive. After all, I still had my job. But that also ended due to low enrollment. So four months after I gave up everything to move to what I thought was paradise, I found myself jobless, trying to connect to a new church and with very few friends.

The happy moment in it all was that I met my boyfriend during the end of my time in the south. He helped me to focus on something other than how unhappy and disappointed I was.

After my job fell through, I had to let go of a small house that I had put a rental deposit on. The landlord wouldn't return the deposit. I realized that I need to find a new job quickly and I already knew that where I was living had very few options. So I made a trip up to Chiang Mai to see my friends, clear my head and see what options I had there.

In a matter of a few weeks, I packed up my place. I would have moved anyways since my rental was being sold off. I headed back to Chiang Mai- my Thai comfort zone. I landed a job in a Thai school as there weren't many options at that time of year for jobs. I got my old apt back and got cast in a play. It was almost like old times.

But my job was a nightmare and my cat disappeared. I also struggled to make sense of what had happened to my paradise. I talked to my small group leaders who helped me to sort through it.

During this time in Chiang Mai, I continued to maintain a long distance relationship with John who lived in Bangkok and decided to start looking for jobs in Bangkok since my Thai school was clearly not a good fit.

I found a job in Dec. It looked good. But it was starting right after the new year. So in a matter of only a few weeks, I performed in my play in 3 locations, packed up my apt, made a visa run to Malaysia for 24 hrs and found a new apt.

Then I started what I thought would be the end of a long 6 months. Instead it was only a continuation of the nightmare. I found myself working for a school that was not even close to being a good fit. I found the word "toxic" to be the best description. I kept thinking it would improve. Instead I found myself losing my self esteem and my stress level went through the roof. I dreaded work.

Well finally thanks to a new friend who I had met online but since then in person, I got connected to my current school. I knew nothing about the school before. But just in the couple of weeks that I have been there, I've found the staff to be warm and welcoming and helpful. Not the constant criticism that I had grown accustomed to. I feel respected once again as a teacher and I feel like I've landed finally once again. 
While I'm back to being a classroom teacher. 2nd grade to be exact, it's not the same type of schedule that American schools usually have. I actually have lots of periods where I can prep during hrs. I'm starting to consider the possibility that I might be able to do things outside of work once again. 

I was stuck in that desert for over a year and I know it will take time to walk in the freedom that has been given to me but at least I'm free.
I may never understand why something I prayed for for 2 yrs could fall apart so quickly but as my leaders told me, sometimes we don't know the reason why. But the important thing is that I'm ok. I survived and I now live to tell about it. 

Life is hard and then you pray.... a lot

I realized that it's been a while since I posted. That kind of goes to show how busy it's been in Bangkok. My new job as a Kindergarten teacher has definitely had it's challenges. Like the insane work hrs. I have normal hrs but then the school events keep me at school til late hrs like 8pm or later. This term promises to be a little more calm. For some teachers, 8pm might sound normal except for the part where it wasn't optional. I take work home all the time but I've spent many hrs doing work that has nothing to do with my classroom. That's where I have the problem. I figure if I'm going to spend hrs doing stuff for work, it helps if it's classroom related. But in reality it's actually more for the parents to show them our over the top decorations.(trying not to sound sarcastic). I do love my kids. My last term kids actually graduated and are in Japanese school here in Bangkok now. The Japanese schedule is a bit different from America. Most of the students in my new school are Japanese.
Now I teach the youngest kids in the school, 2-3 yrs old. My students are adorable and are really good at looking at me like I'm crazy. It could have something to do with the fact that I like to dance to the music in the background while they are eating snack. :) But I'm getting used to my new routine. I like my new co teacher. She actually teaches the class next door but she's helping me a lot to learn the routine for the younger kids.

When I'm not at work, I'm actively job hunting. My current contract was temporary and ends in Aug so I need a new job for that time. I'm hoping to return to a regular international school with normal hrs and ideally teaching special ed. But there aren't a lot of options and mostly they are in the british schools. The British system is apparently way different from American so they aren't excited to consider me. But I'm still applying. I've also been applying for regular ed teaching jobs as there are more opportunities and I'm getting more interviews for them.

So a little while back I wrote about my boyfriend John. Recently due to circumstances too complicated to write here, we separated. It was the most heart wrenching thing I have had to experience in a long time, John was the first guy I ever fell in love with and we were in love when we split. I lost a lot of sleep, used a lot of tissues and accomplished absolutely nothing outside of showing up for work for the past week.  This just happened barely over a week ago. However, we have started talking again and that has lifted my spirits a lot.
So am I still praying?  You bet. Cuz I haven't a clue as to how to navigate this. I have no close friends that I can lean on in Bangkok yet. Just a couple of friends who are sympathetic. So praying is all I know to do and waiting to see what happens.

Hello Bangkok

Well I moved to Bangkok.  For different reasons really. First of all, I really couldn't stand working for a Thai school. I could write a book on the reasons relating to that.  But also, I clearly am not cut out to teach English with an unreliable co teacher. Bangkok was the best solution for different reasons. First of all or secondly depending on how you look at it, I know that Chiang Mai doesn't have much in the way of jobs mid year. Unless I want to teach English. And then the other reason I wanted Bangkok was because of John. We've both traveled to see each other in order to grow in our relationship but it adds up. I really wanted to know what our relationship would be like if distant was no longer a factor.

So after much job hunting, I finally landed a job. It isn't special ed but I think I'll be happy for this season. I'm starting with teaching 6 yr olds and then will switch to nursery when my class goes off to Japanese school in April. I went from yelling at 55 students a class for 7 periods to 6 students in a class. I can live with this. Besides, I get to teach other stuff besides English and I'm excited about that. I love my boss.

My apt

Before the Chiang Mai Expats club performance

I have a cute apartment. I've been learning the transportation system here. It's way better than Chiang Mai. I actually don't need to drive here. My apt, has a shuttle to the sky train every morning and afternoon. There is also a golf cart that goes to the shopping center that looks like it came from England at the end of my road(soi). It costs nothing. There is also a pool. The draw back is no pets however I discovered there are some resident cats living outside who are friendly. I guess they will be my cat fix for now.

my monologue

White temple- sustained some damage in the earthquake but mostly it's ok

scene from the play

During my short time in Chiang Mai, I was able to be a part of a Christmas play. We performed in Chiang Mai in two different venues and in Chiang Rai at a resort. While in Chiang Rai, some of us checked out a few tourist sites.

Black Temple

Right after my solo

White temple- below the walk way

view from our host house in Chiang Rai

scene from the play