I've been waiting for the other side of the desert to show up for over a year now. It's a desert I never saw coming.
A little over a year ago, I let go of the best job ever, said goodbye to my friends and my life in Chiang Mai and headed to paradise. I had been praying for paradise for 2 yrs and finally a job had opened up and my friends welcomed me into their world as a neighbor instead of a visitor. Even though I knew I would be changing my career with the move, I really felt like this was the place that God had sent me to.
I would be joining a small fellowship in the community and helping them reach out to the community. I was also looking forward to connecting with my new colleagues in my small school.
But things ended up quite differently and rather quickly. First, the colleague that I had met prior to moving, had already moved back to the USA by the time I arrived. A month later, the fellowship that I was apart of, ended. I found myself now in an area where I only knew a small handful of people and deep friendships would be challenging in a community that was small with a high turnover rate. I ended up feeling incredibly lonely. I tried to stay positive. After all, I still had my job. But that also ended due to low enrollment. So four months after I gave up everything to move to what I thought was paradise, I found myself jobless, trying to connect to a new church and with very few friends.
The happy moment in it all was that I met my boyfriend during the end of my time in the south. He helped me to focus on something other than how unhappy and disappointed I was.
After my job fell through, I had to let go of a small house that I had put a rental deposit on. The landlord wouldn't return the deposit. I realized that I need to find a new job quickly and I already knew that where I was living had very few options. So I made a trip up to Chiang Mai to see my friends, clear my head and see what options I had there.
In a matter of a few weeks, I packed up my place. I would have moved anyways since my rental was being sold off. I headed back to Chiang Mai- my Thai comfort zone. I landed a job in a Thai school as there weren't many options at that time of year for jobs. I got my old apt back and got cast in a play. It was almost like old times.
But my job was a nightmare and my cat disappeared. I also struggled to make sense of what had happened to my paradise. I talked to my small group leaders who helped me to sort through it.
During this time in Chiang Mai, I continued to maintain a long distance relationship with John who lived in Bangkok and decided to start looking for jobs in Bangkok since my Thai school was clearly not a good fit.
I found a job in Dec. It looked good. But it was starting right after the new year. So in a matter of only a few weeks, I performed in my play in 3 locations, packed up my apt, made a visa run to Malaysia for 24 hrs and found a new apt.
Then I started what I thought would be the end of a long 6 months. Instead it was only a continuation of the nightmare. I found myself working for a school that was not even close to being a good fit. I found the word "toxic" to be the best description. I kept thinking it would improve. Instead I found myself losing my self esteem and my stress level went through the roof. I dreaded work.
Well finally thanks to a new friend who I had met online but since then in person, I got connected to my current school. I knew nothing about the school before. But just in the couple of weeks that I have been there, I've found the staff to be warm and welcoming and helpful. Not the constant criticism that I had grown accustomed to. I feel respected once again as a teacher and I feel like I've landed finally once again.
While I'm back to being a classroom teacher. 2nd grade to be exact, it's not the same type of schedule that American schools usually have. I actually have lots of periods where I can prep during hrs. I'm starting to consider the possibility that I might be able to do things outside of work once again.
I was stuck in that desert for over a year and I know it will take time to walk in the freedom that has been given to me but at least I'm free.
I may never understand why something I prayed for for 2 yrs could fall apart so quickly but as my leaders told me, sometimes we don't know the reason why. But the important thing is that I'm ok. I survived and I now live to tell about it.
